God does turn bad to good. I have seen it happen.  Too many things have fallen in place for me when they could have fallen apart. I have to share this experience with you to make you understand what I mean.

Nearly ten years ago, I met the father of my youngest two children. We never married, but I treated our relationship as if we were. I was committed and loyal, and as devoted a wife as any woman who actually said her vows before God and Heaven. 

I wanted for my life what most girls want―a beautiful home; a loving husband who was handsome, protective, and dependable; adorable, healthy children; and friends and family who loved me. I wanted normality, stability, security, peace, and happiness. For a few years, I seemed to have actually attained it.

And then hell and all its fury hit.

My “husband”, my “partner”, fell under investigation for criminal fraud, and suddenly, everything I had built my life on collapsed.  I learned first hand what it meant to be betrayed, abandoned, and isolated. In one fell swoop, I lost my friends, my home, my car, and my immaculate credit history. But those are really superficial losses when you hold them under a mircoscope. Where I suffered most was my self-esteem, my self-respect, my self-confidence, and my sense of self-love.

I no longer trusted my own judgment. I had allowed myself to be conned. I had given everything I had over to a man I loved and believed in. I entrusted my children, my heart, my finances, my possessions, and my family and friends to his care. And he used it all and tossed it all away with no remorse and with such ease it still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  How could I have let that happen? I was always so responsible. I always weighed the pros and cons before making any decision. But when I did finally make a decision, I knew with absolute confidence it was the right one for me. How could I have been so completely blind and stupid?

Truth be told, I saw the red flags. I saw the warning signs. But I feared what I would discover if I truly pulled my head out of the sand and confronted him. That fear was so strong, that I chose to remain in denial instead of facing reality. In looking back, I realize that it wasn’t really that I had lost my sense of self. It was just that my choice to stay with him, despite the warning signs, was not necessarily the best choice.

I suffered a lot, as did my kids, during that time. We still struggle now, and it’s been nearly three years. My choice to stay though was made with the belief that as a wife, I should trust in the judgment of my partner. He was the provider, and it was my job to listen, respect, and support him. I did genuinely believe that was the right thing to do. I also believe that because of my faith in that decision, God made a path for my kids and me that was much easier to travel than others who have walked that same path.

I had prayed that God would make the Judge decide he was not guilty. He didn’t answer that prayer. Instead, my ex was sentenced to 34 months in a federal penitentiary.  I could not have possibly known at the time, it was God’s plan or His blessing to be ripped out of that relationship. I was simply too distraught and too numb to see any possible good that could come from such a humiliating and gut-wrenching experience. In hindsight however, God had my back.

And He still does.