Last night I was hanging out with a friend when she made a comment that made me consider why some people can experience real difficulties and hardships, yet somehow find their way and overcome their problems, whereas others get stuck in ruts and never seem to regain their power.  What causes these extremes in outcomes?

Her comment was that she noticed that after I lost my job (last August) that I was very diligent about finding another one. She said I always seemed to make progress whether it was by going on interviews or finding other opportunities to network or meet people who could potentially help me.  She went on to say that I always seem to have it together and get things done. I don’t seem to get stuck in ruts.  However, she and another friend of hers stay depressed and just can’t seem to get their lives back on track.

Of course, she didn’t see me struggle. Nor did she witness the despair, depression, and helplessness I often felt while jobless.  On the outside I presented positivity and hopeFULness. Inside however, I was a complete mess.  I felt like my life was completely out of control. I felt like a burden and a drain to my family. At times, I truly believed I was contributing nothing of value to this world and everyone in it would be better served if I was gone.  I felt like giving up. I had no fight left and was unsure that would ever change. I could not see how things could possibly work out.

Yet, in looking back, I now realize I never gave up. I would sit at my kitchen table for hours reviewing job ads. I updated and modified my resume to fit the unique requirements of every job for which I applied.  I reached out to friends and family, went to career fairs, attended career ministries and networked at their events. I applied for freelance writing gigs, tutoring and substitute teaching opportunities, and put my profile and resume on recruitment and part-time staffing sites.

I did everything I could to help myself. And then the miracles happened. 

I am no more deserving of breaks and miracles than the next person. I am no better than you or the next guy. I have flaws and idiosyncrasies just like everyone else. I have made poor decisions. I have said hurtful things. I have caused people I love and people I don’t even know stress and pain.  So why did I get a part-time job within two months of becoming unemployed, while others had been down and out for months or years? Why did that job become full-time employment after only a few months? Why did yet another opportunity present itself shortly thereafter that would offer a shorter commute and greater pay? 

I believe it was because I wanted my life to be different and I had done everything I could to make that happen. Not only did I do the work required to help myself, but as things started to turn around and my confidence increased, I started to whole-heartedly believe that change could happen and that a brighter future was imminent.  It isn’t enough to simply want change. You have to work at it and you have to believe change will and can happen.

An alcoholic may want to stop drinking. He may genuinely, in his heart of hearts, want to beat his alcoholism. But if he never puts the bottle down because he doesn’t really believe he can conquer his addiction, no matter how much he wants it, change will never occur! He has to believe he can change and then he has to do the work required to make it happen!