I know I am blessed.

I have four beautiful, loving, intelligent, and polite children. I have a wonderful family and a very strong support group of friends. I have a stable job that pays well and enables me to support my kids and myself comfortably. I live in a nice, family-friendly neighborhood with lots of kids running around for my children’s enjoyment. I have much to be grateful for and happy about. Yet, I still feel lonely and sad at times. I have always defined myself by my male relationships and now that I’m not in one, I am at a loss about who I am.

I mean really. Who am I?  I don’t want to the answer that question according to what I do or the roles I have. Yes, I am a mom. Yes, I am a daughter and a sister and a friend. Yes, I write for a living.  But still I wonder who I am.  What makes me special? What do I enjoy doing?  What value do I bring to this world just by being me?  What is in my heart? What does God see?

Am I to determine the “Who” behind me based on my talents, my character traits, my dreams for myself and my family?  I just don’t know. But I guess if I had to start to figure me out, I’d start with what it is that makes my heart leap—what brings me real joy, enlivens, and impassions me? 

Here is my first run at that list:

• Renoir paintings
• Small, remote art galleries
• Country drives to nowhere in particular
• The beach—everything about it—waves, shells, sand, the ocean air, bronzed skin
• Spring and summer
• Nature walks
• Hole-in-the-wall restaurants with great food
• Live, acoustic music
• White wine
• Bonfires on crisp, fall nights
• Music of most any type
• Christmas time
• Dancing and singing
• Antiques and historic homes
• Talking and really getting to know someone—what is that person’s history, what makes him/her “tick”
• Eating italian food
• Music played by the piano
• Watching really talented people perform at anything
• Comedy and romance movies
• 1942 Ford trucks
• My grandmother’s house
• God and time for devotion and prayer
• Reading
• Learning something new
• Self-improvement and understanding myself
• Flowers
• Crayons
• Watching movies or reading with my kids
• Chocolate
• Peanut butter and chocolate ice cream
• A clean house
• Hanging out with friends and family
• Helping others
• Sharing stories and experiences with others
• Contemplation and writing
• Sunshine
• The sound of birds chirping outside my window in the morning
• Emotions and passionate people
• Fresh spring breezes

I am certain there are things I have missed. But as I look at my list, at first glance, I’d say I am a lover of simpler things and simpler times. I want things stripped down to their basics and I want to really understand what those things (or people) are composed of. I don’t like pretension and unnecessary surplus. I want people and stuff in my life that are real and authentic.

Who am I?

I’m not absolutely sure. But real and simple are a start.